He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
