Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
