went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize