You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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