I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
