Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
