So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
