Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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