You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
