Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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