i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
