Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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