i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
