Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
