new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
this hospital has no fireball
I'm like, not good at living.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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