but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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