WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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