Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...

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(310): View more from California

what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober

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(315): View more from New York

You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.

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(716): View more from New York

Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen

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(206): View more from Washington

So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...

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(407): View more from Florida

I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too

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(281): View more from Texas

I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?

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(541): View more from Oregon

I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative

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