How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
