im having a threesome with these popsicles
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
