just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I smell like Dick and happiness
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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