If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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