My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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