But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
