Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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