Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
