If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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