i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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