apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
50% drunk capacity currently
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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