i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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