Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
