I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Boobs speak an international language.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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