I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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