I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
