OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
