Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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