I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
