How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
