I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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