amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
