You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
