Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
