I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
