By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
