I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
