Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
North Korea, Best Korea!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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