I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
