Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
