I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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