my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
