Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize