he thought i was a dude.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
