Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
