the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
