im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ladies don't puke and tell
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
