Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
