Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
