Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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