sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
