there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
