Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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