I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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