I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
