how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
