Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
