I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Farmville is her only friend.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
