Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
