the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
