Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
