Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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