She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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