I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
