i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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