I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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