I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it was like eating out sand paper
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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