yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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