He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
