worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
