I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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