dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She bit a glass in half.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
