Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
