she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
