This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
