there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
