i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
